Monday, April 02, 2007

 

In Good Times and Bad

The last few weeks have been quite difficult for us. Ben's mom, Marilyn, who has been battling ovarian cancer for almost 7 years now has been very sick. We are trying to remain strong for her as we prepare for the worst and continue to hope for the best. She has been unable to do chemo as her body, it seems, is rejecting itself and the many years of treatment. She has been in the hospital and is now at home, trying to rest. She has to do chemo in order to survive, but because she has been unable to eat for many days now, her strength is not at its optimum. We have been rallying around her, taking shifts or spending days together in her room. She is being urged to be quiet as a means of resting and getting stronger. She is not talking much, so we just sit in the darkness with her so she is not alone. We are all at our breaking point, but Ben and I are strong in her presence. Otherwise, we, too, are devastated by our own questions, the uncertainty before us, and Marilyn's pain. We are scared for her and wish that the pain would ease up and that she could keep something down. We have cried each night, but continue to believe that this is not it.

Ben and I realize that we need one another. When he is sad, I try to be strong and vice versa. The other day, Danny, Ben's little brother gave us our wedding video and we are reminded of the commitment we made, in good times and bad. After reading this entry, it is my hope that this video will bring you some cheer, as well.


Comments:
We are all thinking of Marilyn. Teta said she's keeping her in her prayers. I don't think Marilyn will mind that Teta's not Jewish.

I can't watch the wedding video just yet because I'm not ready to see myself turn into a blubbering fool. I know it's been 9 months, but I think I still need some distance.

Love,
Gabby
 
OMG that was so absolutly wonderful. I cried the entire time. I am so glad you posted it because I missed it. If you listen to what your sister said all the words are so true. I said "I will" when it was time. You two are awesome. Through the tough times and the bad you are love!!! It was definatly the best ever!!! Thanks I needed a good happy cry!

Love Kari

Always thinking of Ben and his family!! Positive and healing energy to you!!
 
It was so nice to see that wedding video! It did lift my spirits and make me cry (unfortunately I don't really need any help with that). I'm so glad to know that its here and I can come and watch it whenever I want to. Thank you for sharing that moment with us now, and then. That was such a special day for all of us that got to share it with you both. And I know for Marilyn it was a dream come true.

Since I heard from you about the latest struggles Marilyn is having, I have been flooded with thoughts of you all. I went to Hawaii just days after we spoke, and I did what you asked. I thought about you everyday as a way for you to maybe feel some of the peace from that amazing place. I also thought about Ben, and Marilyn. . . Keith, and Danny. I know I only met Ben's family briefly, but I feel so very much for this horrible journey you've all been on for so long now. As close as I am to the world of cancer, I truly cannot imagine what it has been like for Marilyn and for everyone who loves her.

My hope, my prayer, for Marilyn, is that she can feel peace and love in whatever stage of life she is in. That she can feel even a glimpse of joy each day and never ever question how amazing she has been through all of this. That she may never question following her heart in whatever direction she needs to go. She is so much more than just a survivor. She truly is an incredible woman with a stronger spirit than most of us will ever know.

My hope for you, Ben, and the rest of the family is that you nurture yourselves and eachother and remember that love is all that really matters. I too hope that you can feel even just a glimpse of peace and joy everyday. If you feel like that is impossible right now, try harder because there truly is something good in everyday. The more you focus on it, the more you find it, the more it will grow! I am thinking of you everyday and hoping for the very best! All my love to you all.
 
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