Cherry Blossom Candy Leaf

I should have known that today would be better than yesterday. When I was leaving work early for the 5th or 6th straight day, something tiny and delightful caught my eye. A two month old chihuahua named Paco crossed my path. Weighing less than a pound, the creature was adorable. I stopped to take a photo before I ran off to Marilyn's.



On the drive, I try to prepare myself for what I will see or the emotions I will experience. I stopped at home and Ben was walking Bula. He informed me that Keith's parents will be coming out on Saturday and staying indefinitely. We have some comfort in knowing that Keith, Danny, and hopefully Marilyn, too, will be eating delicious dinners and desserts! Also, a nurse will be coming for 12 weeks starting on Monday so we can really be with Marilyn and have some guidance as to how to best support her. We will worry less knowing that when we are at work, she won't get bed sores or have a need that is not met. In addition, Keith has requested some sort of intravenous feeding device. I don't know how Marilyn feels about that, but I can tell you that she is still fighting. She wants to see Danny grow up, along with her grandchildren. Finally, Marilyn's cancer cell count has gone down, so we are led to believe that maybe she had a virus or something that was dismissed as the effects of cancer. These, along with puppy sightings, are good news.

When we arrived around 4 this afternoon, Marilyn and Jeremy, Ben's brother were both sleeping. Marilyn has not slept soundly in weeks. She was out for about 3 hours and when she woke up, she was smiling and looked a million times better. She got herself up to go to the bathroom with a little help pushing the I.V. from Ben. In the bathroom, she picked up Danny's boxers and adjusted towels. She asked me to do her a favor. She wants Ben and me to take Danny to the Wicked show this Thursday because she's not sure if she'll feel up to it. I know that she really wanted to go and if she isn't well enough to do that, we are happy that she was well enough to request it. After all, she has not spoken much this last week. She did not throw up after 1 p.m. today.

We truly hope that this is not the calm before the storm. We actually wish that whatever was making her sick was just a bug that she was unable to fight off because of a weak immune system. Keith's goal is to get her going on the chemo again, even though she has tried every treatment. He is hopeful that the doctors will be able to make a mixture of several treatments that will prolong her life. So now, we need to ensure she gets strong enough to do that. Hopefully she will eat something tomorrow.

We know that this sudden and sweet improvement may be temporary, but we are grateful for it. The sadness that has surrounded us these last few days is unbearable and all consuming. It's been impossible not to think about Marilyn all day at work when there's nothing I can do for her there. Marilyn also went to the cemetery on Tuesday to see where she might want to be buried if she doesn't make it and the thought of that drive with Keith is really too much to understand.

I've spent a lot of time with Danny this week and I just love him so much. I don't think he understands what is going on because he has seen his mom sick for so long. But he has seen a lot of tears this week and has wondered about the severity of it all. Anyone who has ever seen their dad cry for the first time knows how life changing that can be. It is hard to know what he is thinking because he's a teenager and a boy. He has talked to Ben a little bit.